


keep the ball (keep my heart)

by frostfang



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Sports, M/M, give taemin a break ffs, jinseong is a keeper, lots of ocean/sea references, minseung is a crackhead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-19 04:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20325259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostfang/pseuds/frostfang
Summary: Taemin doesn't wonder about how things would look if Jinseong didn't like Sanghyeok.He can always dream about it in his bed, hidden under the covers, where the world can't see him. But for now, he will take what's given to him and simply be happy with it, - or at least try to - even if it's only Jinseong's presence.





	keep the ball (keep my heart)

**Author's Note:**

> i tried to make this as not confusing as possible, please bear with me. i didn't include the boys' majors cause i don't think it's that important to the story, but it's slightly implied that taemin studies astronomy. 
> 
> it's also my first work, so sorry for any mistakes that went unnoticed - i wrote everything while spending evenings at the beach almost every day (in a span of two weeks) with little to no editing. also, fuck tech college season. it's already making me too stressed lol
> 
> special thanks to julie for motivating me so much throughout the whole ride. it's been a wild one & you're the best <3
> 
> with that being said, (hopefully) enjoy!

"It's easy," Minseung puts down his tea cup. "You walk up to the guy, hit him with your smile and— boom, there he is, agreeing to whatever you want him to do."

  
Taemin sighs and lowers his gaze. His coffee is long cold, the warmth spreaded into his hands already. "But he's so—"

"Unreachable?"

Taemin still doesn't get why he'd agreed to this poor excuse of a plan. It's almost as if Minseung's idea was so stupid that it actually made sense, but Taemin had his expectations set too high to even consider the option.

"Right," He murmurs, letting his fingers fiddle with the cardboard cup protector. "Are you even aware that I've never exchanged a word with the dude?"

"First, it's Sanghyeokie-hyung, not a dude," Minseung lets out a huff, his eyebrows schrunched. "Second, it's supposed to be discreet. You can't just walk up and ask for a headshot right away."

Taemin covers his mouth with his hand and resists the urge to chuckle - the thought of Minseung's crush hitting the person that has a crush on him with a ball, bonus aim points given for the head, cracking him up alone.

He straightens his back. "So, let me get this straight—"

"This is definitely not a straight course of action, sir—" Minseung tries to protest.

"Anyway," Taemin rolls his eyes. "You want me to ask your dude to hit the guy - my friend - that has a crush on him—"

"Exactly."

"—right in the head, so that he doesn't have a crush on him anymore." Taemin finishes. He raises an eyebrow when Miseung nods. He can't say he didn't expect it, but yet again, this whole plan seems too dumb to work, and they both know feelings don't work that way.

"Mutual understanding is the key to success!" Minseung claps his hands. "Now, before you come for my ass saying things don't work like that, I though maybe.. Maybe Jinseong stops admiring Sanghyeok so much when he scores a painful shot of reality right at his brain."

"Fast delivery bonus, huh?" Taemin raises an eyebrow to which Minseung just laughs and keeps nodding along. "Okay. Got it."

"So you'll do it, right?" Minseung asks, finally, a glint of hope noticeable in his eyes. Taemin tilts his head and smiles warmly enough to lift up the atmosphere a bit.

"Only cause you're my best friend," He assures the other and sighs softly. "You jealous bitch," He adds, teasingly.

Minseung just hits him on the shoulder, pretending that the impact was heavy and his knuckles now hurt - to which Taemin, surprisingly, acts along and retrieves a shot back, right at Minseung's forehead. He decides he can give the older a taste of his own medicine for once.

* * *

If you ever asked Taemin which sport he hates the most, he wouldn't hesitate on the answer for a second. He absolutely despises handball, and this - as ridiculous as it sounds, because Taemin keeps his secrects - is not necessarily a secret to anyone around him. The fact that his college organises handball matches regularly and trains its own team doesn't help in the slightest. 

Honestly speaking, it's a part of the reason why he hates it, but Taemin would never admit this particular thing out loud, no matter how hard you'd push him. 

It's a Wednesday morning, and Taemin is at the stadium, getting ready to become so bored he falls asleep. Minseung had dragged him to the team practice again, his reasoning a bit off - _"I can't simply go and see my man alone, he'll think I'm creepy!"_ \- but Taemin doesn't really know if he minds it or not.

The wind ruffles Taemin's hair softly and he can hear the trees in the distance, humming along to it; he knows it's pointless to he here, but he promised Minseung to keep him company. If you could call it as such, that is.

He could lie and say he likes it just as it is, but in reality it's taken quite a toll on him already. The supposed mandatory attendance has been nothing but a burden - everyone knows he'd rather spend his time in a library, using the college's computer to grind on ranked games instead of watching some guys throw a ball.

He can't simply say no to Minseung, though - the older wouldn't miss a chance to drag Taemin there, only to abandon him afterwards in hopes of exchanging a few words with Sanghyeok at breaks.  
And Taemin should he angry, really. Out of all things, he should be furious and feel used, but he also can't bring himself to be so selfish. It simply makes Minseung happy - just seeing Sanghyeok is enough for the older to radiate enormous amounts of optimism and smile so hard Taemin's afraid his lips will stay in the crescent shape for good. And if his friends are happy, Taemin is happy too. 

At least it's what he likes telling himself. To say it kind of reminds Taemin of puppy love wouldn't exactly be an exaggeration; with all those shy smiles and quiet talks behind the bleachers when Sanghyeok and Minseung both think nobody can see them, so invested in each other, it sure looks like puppy love.

He sighs. This plan is pointless, and the two are painfully oblivious. 

* * *

"What the fuck, they actually shoot heart eyes at each other," Jinseong grunts, eyeing Minseung and Sanghyeok from behind the goal net. 

Next to him, seated on the ground, Taemin snorts. "You jealous?"

"Bet's on you," Jinseong teases. They both disrupt into laughter seconds after and Taemin swears he feels his insides warm up instantly. He quickly pushes the feeling away, though, trying not to bleed out at the spot.

Park Jinseong is the keeper for the college's team - not exactly ever teenage girl's heartthrob, but if you asked Taemin personally, he's the most handsome out of all. But then again, Taemin is not a teenage girl, nor he is a cheerleader, so his opinion doesn't really matter.

Jinseong's nice. Sweet, helpful, and on top of that he's also extremely, obnoxiously loud which contrasts heavily with Taemin's own persona. He's learned to adapt a bit to this, though, as he's arguably different when he's with Jinseong - cracking jokes more often, laughing more, definitely coming out from the usual teasing and sarcastic shell he's hid in for the past few years.

Taemin's comfortable with Jinseong more than he is with any other member of the team, mainly due to the reason than most of them are complete douches, and only Jinseong has ever lent him a helping hand when he needed it. He can't say he's not thankful for that, no. 

The only problem with Park Jinseong is that he makes Taemin's heart race a million miles per hour. Taemin can't quite recall the first time he felt this, but now, after every single match, it's there with each one of the smiles and thumbs up Jinseong shoots at him.

Taemin's aware that it's the final nail to his early coffin, having feelings for your friend that won't ever be requited, but he can't stop himself from drowning. It feels like he's taken too many failed attempts to suck in some air while floating in between waves, and only some of them crash at the shore - his hopes for rescue long forgotten, just like the happy ending he's longed for so much.

And yet Taemin still can't help but sink further down - at this point he'd rather hit the bottom than wait for a wave to bring him back on the land, barely breathing yet still alive.

"You think I should aim at them?" Jinseong raises a brow, picking up the ball. Taemin bites his tongue at the irony. He still doesn't know how to approach Sanghyeok and ask for the shot.

"Your aim is goddamn awful," He answers, watching as Jinseong's lips turn into a pout. The older doesn't look convinced, though, as he clenches the ball in his left hand and aims at the two - Taemin can only shriek at him. "Stop! I was kidding!" 

Jinseong shoots him a wide smile instead of a ball. "Relax, I'm just teasing you."

"You better!" Taemin scolds him, letting a sigh of relief afterwards. "I almost believed you, geez," He rubs at his forehead, trying to visualize the situation. It would fucking suck.

Taemin can't bring himself to be mad at Jinseong for teasing him, though. If anything, his heart would immediately tell him to stop. 

_Fuck,_ Taemin thinks. _I'm really head over heels for this idiot._

* * *

Wednseday flows by to the beat of chill songs and so many kept goals that Taemin can't help but feel proud of Jinseong. He knows it's the other's role, but still - with his unshared hatred for the sport, it is quite impressive to be honest.

He spends his afternoons doing absolutely nothing - not even responding to texts, as it suddenly becomes a very tiring task, so when Taemin finally decides to check his phone, the unread messages pour over his notification bar like heavy rain. Unsurprisingly to him, they're all from Minseung - and Taemin almost feels bad for making his bestfriend worry so much.

Almost. 

Friday morning the week after that is when things actually heat up and make Taemin question if reality is still within his grasp.

"This fucker," Jinseong spits out, wiping his mouth with the hem of his flannel. He leans against the goal frame, fists clenched.

Yet again, they're at the stadium - practice days have mixed up with actual match preparations, so Taemin didn't have much of a choice but to attend. Just for the sole observation reasons, he thought before closing the wicket behind himself. 

Minseung disappeared somewhere in between the second break and haven't returned yet - Taemin safely assumed that he's with Sanghyeok and didn't try to bother them, staying at the bleachers instead.

"What?" He scrunches his eyebrows, taking a closer look at Jinseong's face. "What did you do this time?"

It doesn't look very pleasant, and Taemin doesn't look very pleased with himself upon spotting the cut, bruised lip either. He quickly abandons his bag on a random seat and jumps over to make sure Jinseong's not hurt anywhere else.

"Didn't do nothin— He's salty that the coach's keeping him on the bench instead of me," The blonde huffs. "Guess he likes punching more than keeping." He sucks in some air through his nose, gaze fixed on the guy that punched him.

Taemin doesn't bother wasting his time on turning his head to locate the guy - instead, he walks closer and reaches into the pocket of his denim coat. He pulls out a wipe and taps gently at the other's lips, trying to get rid of the red liquid. "Take off your shirt, it's stained with blood." He adds. "We need to soak it in cold water, otherwise it's gonna be hard to clean off."

"T-Thanks," Jinseong stutters, attempting to fetch the wipe away from Taemin and clean the cut himself. "You didn't need to do it."

"Right," Taemin murmurs. He's pretty sure the panic in his gut rises alarmingly fast when their fingers brush against each other and he shys away, passing the wipe to the older. 

"I'm sorry," He says, worryingly. "Didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"No, it's just, nobody's done it before—" Jinseong stops for a second and hisses upon tapping too hard at his lip. "I'm not uncomfy," He assures Taemin and flashes him the widest grin.

That turns out not to be best idea, because as beautiful as Jinseong's grin is, his lip is also cut. The blonde almost yelps, clutching the wipe in his palm, and Taemin can't help but laugh at Jinseong's stupidity.

There's something so adorable in the way Jinseong smiled at him, though, that Taemin forgives him right away - and maybe he should reconsider the location of his feelings, really, but it's only up to him. Maybe he's reading too much into the gesture, maybe he's delusional. He also decides that he doesn't care at all, and his heart surely agrees with that route.

He gestures Jinseong to sit next to him on the grass, to which the older just nods. "You're not hurt anywhere else, no?"

"Nah," Jinseong waves his free hand at him. "I'm good."

"You still have to patch this up," Taemin says, looking at the other's bottom lip. 

Jinseong shrugs. "I'll deal with it later, let's just— not go yet." 

Taemin doesn't expect his next move in the slightest and almost jumps back onto his legs when he feels a mop of hair on his shoulder. The longest strands tickle his neck, sending little shivers down his spine. "I really need to soak the shirt in the sink, though."

"Shut up, it can wait."

He's so, so whipped for Jinseong it almost hurts, he realizes with a sigh.

* * *

"What's with him?" Minseung points over to Jinseong who's curled up on the bench, his chest rising and falling in a comfortable rhythm. "He's been falling asleep at every practice for the past week." 

"Coping mechanism," Sanghyeok sighs quietly, adjusting the strap of his bag so it can swing freely on his shoulder. "Jinseongie...he sleeps a lot when something bothers him. I can't seem to squeeze the reason out of him this time, though. Maybe it's the upcoming match." 

Taemin blinks. "Are you sure he's not just tired?"

"No, not at all," Sanghyeok answers. "You were with him all morning today, though, I'm sure you would notice he's acting kinda out of character?"

"I mean—" Taemin pauses, trying to think about the other's words. "He's been.. weird. More touchy than usual."

He recalls the lip incident and automatically feels the heat creep up onto his cheeks. Sanghyeok of course notices it, albeit Minseung clinging onto his shoulder. The next thing Taemin sees are the corners of his lips twitching upwards.

"You're blushing," He teases. "Something happened."

"N-no, wait, what are you—" Taemin stutters. "What are you assuming?"

"Oh come on, everyone knows he's your personal heartthrob!" Minseung chimes in, a mischevious smile on his face. "Oh shit, I almost woke the poor guy up," He adds, covering his mouth with his palm, and Sanghyeok almost snorts.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Taemin interjects, fiddling with his fingers. He tries to keep his calm, but for the first time, it's not really working - he's really afraid he will end up panicking right on the spot if they continue the teasing. Not because he's been exposed, not entirely, but because of the sole fact that Jinseong is right there.

Minseung winks. "I'm sure you don't." 

"Alright, cut Taemin some slack, please," Sanghyeok says, his tone soft, hand reaching out to ruffle Minseung's hair. "He's about to lose it."

"Thanks," He lets out a breath, visibly relaxing. "Y'all disgusting, by the way," He grimaces upon seeing how Minseung leans into Sanghyeok's hand, to which the oldest just laughs.

Minseung rolls his eyes. "Like you wouldn't want to do this with Jinseong."

"Shut up, will you—" Taemin almost groans, ready to bury his face into his hands.

He looks over his shoulder only to notice that Jinseong is still sleeping, curled up even more on the old, wooden bench, and Taemin's sure his heart does a leap. God, it hurts.

He figures he needs to cover Jinseong's body so that he doesn't catch a cold - the wind is still calm, but Taemin likes to prevent rather than treat or overcome obstacles. Jinseong's shirt is nowhere on sight, though, as Taemin had brought it to the locker room to soak in cold water in the sink earlier. 

"Whatever," He mutters under his breath and decides to do the first thing that comes to his mind; which only ever happens to be throwing his own jacket over Jinseong's shoulders. He tucks it under the blonde's chin, careful not to wake him up.

"Cute," Minsung cooes, to which Taemin turns around and flashes him a middle finger. "Hey, that's rude!"

"Stop making fun of me, you doofus," He huffs. "I've got no chance."

"So you're just going to stay friends forever?" Sanghyeok raises a brow.

"Look—" Taemin sighs, biting his tongue so that he doesn't say the truth. "He has a crush, which I happen to know about, so to answer your question," He pauses for a second. "Probably yes."

"You're so fucking miserable, Taemin-ah," The corners of Minseung's lips soften and his brows opt for a slight frown. "This isn't gonna work long-term."

Taemin traces Jinseong's sleeping body with his eyes once again. "It's fine. It don't think it would work out anyway."

* * *

When Jinseong finally wakes up, Taemin is still sitting beside him, completely drowning in his astronomy notes. The rest of the team has packed up and left for additional classes or simply went home, visibly exhausted. Minseung and Sanghyeok also left a while ago with a promise to play some games at the older's house - and while Taemin could've easily agreed to go with them, he didn't want to thirdwheel.

He didn't want to leave Jinseong at the stadium alone, either. The best option was to stay; and so he did, preparing for the astronomy project that he's chosen earlier. 

Taemin straightens his back, noticing that Jinseong's head is moving back and forth slowly. He reaches out his hand to brush out the bangs out of the blonde's forehead, but quickly retrieves it upon spotting Jinseong's eyes that fly open in seconds. 

"Huh?" Jinseong mutters sleepily. "Do I have something on my face?"

"You looked like you had a nightmare," Taemin answers, fiddling with his fingers. "Just wanted to wake you up."

Jinseong sits up and rubs at his eyes from behind his glasses, and Taemin can feel his heart do a huge leap - the sight alone might be literally the cutest thing he's ever seen, and the thought of waking up to this everyday pops in Taemin's mind instantly.

Luckily, Jinseong stops after a few seconds and just before Taemin's heart can burst. "Is that your jacket?" He asks, lowering his gaze. Taemin watches as the other's eyes trace the fabric.

"Your shirt is soaking in the sink, remember?" He reminds the blonde. 

Jinseong blinks. "Ah, right. My hoodie's in the bag, though."

Taemin is really surprised to notice that the blonde's cheeks are now visibly pink, but he simply brushes it off and blames the wind for it, completely ignoring his heart that's about to jump out. He curses it in his mind for the tenth time today.

"Sorry for sleeping so much after practice lately," Jinseong says quietly, lowering his gaze to his feet.

"It's not me who you should apologize to, though," Taemin admits honestly.

"I know, but you waited for hell knows how long for me, and—"

"Okay, that's enough," He interrupts the blonde. "I waited for you every time simply because I wanted to, not because I had to, and besides, it's thanks to you that I managed to finish my astro project on time."

"Really?" Jinseong's eyes spark up instantly upon hearing his words, and Taemin thinks he's going insane. It couldn't possibly happen, so he tells himself that he imagined it.

"Yeah."

Taemin watches as the older stands up and grabs his bag. "Sanghyeok and Minseung left to grab lunch, by the way."

"Should we also grab something to eat? Aren't you hungry?" Jinseong asks, his fingers fiddling with the strap of his own bag. 

"I kind of don't know any good places around here," Taemin tries to swirl his way out of the offer, but Jinseong seems like he's already prepared, the left corner of his mouth twitching slightly upwards.

"There's a milk bar just around the corner. They have super cheap and good food, not like our canteen."

Taemin raises both of his hands in defeat. "I guess we can go, then."

The place is nice. Light grey walls create a really soothing and comfortable atmosphere matched along with the violet curtains, and Taemin surely would feel better if not for the fact that he's here with Jinseong. He misses the times when he wasn't so stresssed around the other, when they were just getting to know each other and spent a lot of time alone, when his heart didn't really feel anything for Jinseong.

Honestly, he wouldn't be surprised if it just escaped his ribcage one day and settled onto Jinseong's hands, claiming them as its new home. 

They both settle for a chicken salad, but Jinseong refuses to take the mayo sauce. "My stomach won't handle it," he shrugs.

Taemin watches silently as he picks at the greens with his bamboo fork, shoving them all to his mouth as quick as possible. "I've never seen you eat this fast," He points out lightheartedly, letting his gaze wander around Jinseong's face.

"No, I'm just really—" Hiccup. "Hungry. Sorry if it bothers you. You're not eating, though?" The older furrows his eyebrows.

"I think I'll save it for later," Taemin tells him honestly, closing the container.

He won't tell Jinseong he suddenly doesn't want to eat in public. It would seem childish and, on top of that, really ridiculous, so he decides on staying silent. 

Taemin doesn't even notice he's getting lost in his thoughts again until he feels a warm hand on his shoulder - Jinseong taps at it lightly, his tone a bit worried. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," Taemin answers, suddenly hyper aware of how close they are. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"You spaced out and started shivering," Jinseong points out, retrieving his hand. He straightens his back and slips his right shoulder out of the sleeve of Taemin's jacket, but Taemin stops him halfway, waving his hand.

"I'm not cold, the aircon here is dogshit," He shrugs.

"Fucking please," Jinseong rolls his eyes. "Don't make me feel bad. Take my hoodie at least."

Taemin sighs. "Fine," He reaches out his hand and takes it from Jinseong, who crosses his arms. "What now?"

"Put it on so we're even," The blonde says. Taemin gives him a look. "Don't make me feel guilty."

"Can I do it when after we leave? Jesus, this is so embarrassing," He mutters, ready to bury his face into his hands.

Jinseong only blinks at him and closes his container, shoving the fork into it and stands up. "We're leaving, then," He announces and grabs his bag, to which the younger rolls his eyes, but follows his footsteps anyways.

Taemin slips the hoodie on as soon as they close the door to the bar, mainly due to the fact that Jinseong keeps eyeing him - he doesn't want to make the older feel bad, no, that would be unacceptable. It's not necessarily the first time they share their clothes, as Taemin developed a habit of lending his flannels to Jinseong after the team's practice, but this time, it feels different.

He shrugs the feeling off upon hearing Jinseong's voice. "Comfy?"

"Would be if I wasn't so chubby," Taemin grunts.

"Stop it," Jinseong hits his shoulder. "You're just fine."

"I don't think so, but uh, thanks?" Taemin scratches the back of his neck.

To say he's quite shocked by the other's response wouldn't be a lie - Jinseong was always joking along with him, not really being honest about it. Taemin decides to let it pass and note it as a one-time incident, though, and his heart silently thanks him.

He decides that with Jinseong's hoodie around him and their hands brushing gently against each other with every step, everything is in its place. He doesn't wonder how it would feel to hold it - it's too far from reality, and Taemin is slowly getting tired from bouncing on and off the consciousness train. He doesn't wonder about how things would look if Jinseong didn't like Sanghyeok.  
Taemin can always dream about it in his bed, hidden under the covers, where the world can't see him. But for now, he will take what's given to him and simply be happy with it, - or at least try to - even if it's only Jinseong's presence.

He's been too lost in his thoughts to notice the other's gaze, fixed on their hands, the sun above them being the only witness of it.

The rest of the day passes by like a blur; Taemin thinks about Minseung's words which seem to linger on his mind for longer than they should, and he figures the older's right. This is not - wasn't ever meant to - work long term, no matter how hard Taemin wishes to still remain silent.

* * *

"Sanghyeok-hyung promised to take me out if they win the upcoming match!" Minseung announces happily.

It's been a week, and Taemin's life has carried on like nothing ever happened. He's almost sure that if he manages to survive at least a few more days like this, he can concince himself that he only imagined the milk bar incident.

He claps his hands, "Nice."

"The enthusiasm," Minseung rolls his eyes, taking a seat in front of him. They're at the lunch break, but Taemin's not hungry just yet, so he watches as the older sets his own tray on the table.

"Well, what do you want me to say?" He asks, fiddling with his fingers. "It's not like you two don't shoot heart eyes at each other at literally any chance given."

Minseung huffs. "You still didn't ask for the shot, remember?"

"The fuck for?" Taemin raises his brow. "Jinseong's harmless."

"For shit and giggles," The older jokes, shoving fries into his mouth. "Anyway, I'm taking you to the match."

Taemin opens his mouth immediately, trying to protest, but Minseung beats him to it. "No excuses, it's the last time. Pinky promise. You need to stop acting so miserable."

"Wow, thanks," Taemin sighs. "I'd rather die."

"Listen, I'm tired of covering your ass," Minseung puts his hand on the table. "Jinseong's constantly asking if everything's fine, stop making him worry."

Taemin grimaces. "He's acting like he can't approach me or something."

"He's giving you space, dumbass. Besides, it's kinda hard to approach you when you're running off every time you spot him in the crowd."

"Cut me some slack, will you," He groans, placing his hand on his forehead. "I'm literally going insane. I don't know what's real anymore."

Minseung retrieves his hand and gives Taemin an apologetic look. "That's why you're not responding to texts, yeah?"

Taemin nods. "Last time I got my shit together, but this time, I really don't fucking know," He pauses for a moment, nails scratching at the fabric of his jeans. "I can't sleep. I can't eat. Feels like I'm drowning and watching everything from third person."

He doesn't give the older a chance to speak, continuing instead. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I should go with you and force myself into thinking I can actually have some fun. Yeah, that'd be good."

"If you don't want to go, I can't really force you to—" Minseung sighs quietly. 

"No, it's okay. Maybe I just need to take my mind off of everything for once," Taemin adds quietly, checking if his phone is still in his pocket.

Minseung sets down his fork. "If anything happens, let me know, yeah?"

Taemin sends him a look but nods again anyways.

* * *

  
Match day isn't something Taemin has been looking forward to. The date creeps up onto the calendar faster than it should, and even the morning isn't really anything out of the particular either. Taemin manages to push through a whole day of boring lectures, only to be dragged onto the stadium before everyone gathers around to take their seats.

The rational side of Taemin actually wishes that their team wins today, which doesn't seem that impossible, really - they've been on a win streak since last month. The selfish one wishes they lose so he gets to cheer Jinseong up. 

Nonetheless, he doesn't let the bad thoughts overwhelm him. Taemin's been trying to think positive for so long he's pretty sure he's getting quite good at this, after all.

"The other team looks like a bunch of clowns," Minseung snorts from one seat beside him.

Taemin eyes the guys one after another, but his gaze wanders for Jinseong on automatic. When he finally spots the older - in the team uniform, putting his gloves on - he curses him for looking so good today. 

"I don't know," He shrugs. "They're average."

"Oh shut up, you only have eyes for Jinseong," Minseung rolls his eyes. 

Taemin can't disagree, so he stays silent. People have already started gathering and the rows are getting filled up with every passing minute. He tilts his head to the right only to notice a huge red sign with Jinseong's name and a bunch of girls dressed in cheerleader costumes, so he figures it's almost time for the opening performance - wait a minute, since when does Jinseong have fangirls?

He scrunches his eyebrows and decides not to investigate further. The big, old stadium clock seems like it also agrees with Taemin - with a loung pang, it sygnalizes exactly six in the afternoon, helping out the poor excuse of an opening ceremony.

After a cringy cheerleader performance and several name announcements later, Taemin finds himself going through his phone. It's boring. So, so boring. He might as well actually do something productive instead of sitting at his butt and staring at the left goal.

  
"Come on, aren't you going to watch?" Minseung nudges his arm. "Your boy's playing out of his mind today."

"Please stop calling Jinseong that," Taemin groans, opening a document he was supposed to turn in last Friday. He sighs upon noticing that it's definitely not something he can fill in right now, as it requires a bit of research, and closes the tab in defeat. 

He slips his phone back to the pocket of his denim jacket, gaze wandering around the whole stadium. From the corner of his eye, Taemin can notice that the score is coming close to a tie, their team winning by one point, and the whole front row looks like they're holding their breaths. 

"Okay, sorry," Minseung rolls his eyes. "Holy shit, wait. It's the last play. How on earth did the time pass so quickly?"

"Dunno, but I'm glad it—" Taemin gets cut off by people shouting and he tilts his head to see what actually happened. He averts his eyes from the view as soon as he spots Jinseong clutchting the ball tightly to his chest and the rest of the team running towards him, visibly happy.

He tells himself he imagined that Jinseong actually looked like he was searching for someone at the seats and that they made eye contact for a second. It couldn't possibly happen, there are too many people here and it sounds too delusional - but Taemin really doesn't know anymore, he feels like leaving.

And so he does. The anxiety in his gut rising alarmingly fast makes him pick up his bag from the ground quickly and make his leave, not caring much about the fact that he's leaving Minseung there; he figures the older will probably rush to see Sanghyeok anyways. 

Taemin just needs some time alone, and he hopes everyone around him will understand.

* * *

  
The rest of the first semester passes by to the beat of Taemin's favorite songs and huge piles of unfinished homework. They only add up to one another, but Taemin can't bring himself to look at anything that requires any bit of brain work, so he decides to turn them in on the last due date, obviously empty.

His astronomy project is the only thing that turns out to be a huge success, and Taemin's professor even asks him to give him a physical copy of it so he can use the materials at his future classes, and Taemin agrees, fulfilling his wish as soon as he can.

Contrary to popular belief, he stops spending several hours in the college's library just to grind on ranked games. He doesn't bother looking up the answers to his tests on the web. If the whole world decides to be upset with him all of a sudden, let it be.

Time flows fast, and Taemin finds himself slipping back to his old routine - he's hopelessly chasing after reality and what actually could feel real, not bothered by the fact that his current life starts slipping though his fingers like sand.

Maybe he could notice if it meant finally feeling like he's living and breathing not because he has to, but because he wants to. The endless chasing after any purpose is tiring, he figures one day, curled up on his bed.

Taemin stops coming to the team practice; it's really no use anymore. He can't look at Jinseong without his heart wanting to spring free out of his ribcage, so he decides it may be better to isolate himself and just wait for the feelings to leave. It's surely no use, not with the way his hands get all sweaty and knees that dissociate into foam each time the older spares him a glance.

Taemin was in too deep, so he decided to dive even deeper. He's been afraid of staying afloat for a while now; the storm waves that once brought his feelings together and revealed them like amber long gone, replaced with calm water.

The problem with calm water is that it brings no action to the surface, no real reflection of what's happening under. So Taemin dives deeper and deeper, hoping he'll hit rock bottom before he runs out of air and needs to retrieve back onto the surface - back to the memories of Jinseong, back to Jinseong.

Jinseong, Jinseong, Jinseong.

Taemin doesn't even know it was possible to fall for another human being so hard. All Jinseong did did for him was simply being nice and friendly, and yet Taemin's feelings rose gradually, taking in more and more of the other's presence like it was his fuel.

It's almost as if Jinseong's presence is his oxygen and Taemin's drowning; it doesn't take him long to realize that the outcome isn't going to be positive at all, not with the way he craves it so much at any given chance.

And so he stops. He's fully aware that it's finally the time to let go of something he's been holding dear for so long, before it becomes too much. It makes zero sense to long for a part of someone that's already meant for other to hold and love.

* * *

By the time winter lurks around the corner, Taemin is packing up the things he's been keeping in the dorm for the past four months. The day it snows for the first time catches him midway into the task - he stops to look at the sky. It's no longer happily blue, replaced with a nostalgic shade of grey instead, the sun long lost behind the clouds.

Minseung gets busier and busier with studying. They stop meeting up so frequently albeit living in the same dorm; Taemin's not even sure if the older has time to text Sanghyeok, yet alone talk to him, so he's not angry. He understands that exam season can be really stressfull and doesn't hold any grudges. He knows they will eventually return to their old habits, probably even during the upcoming break.

When he's fully packed and ready to leave, the calendar signalizes it's thursday - a thursday evening, to be exact, so Taemin decides to get some fresh air before he spends another sleepless night curled up in his bed.

What stops him halfway is a rather loud knocking at the door - he figures it's maybe his roommate who forgot his stuff, as usual. Taemin surely doesn't expect the person he sees after he opening the door carelessly.

Right there, in front of him, stands no other that Park Jinseong. He's wearing a grey winter coat and it reminds Taemin of today's sky, not ocean, for the first time.

There's a long moment of silence before Jinseong smiles softly and opens his mouth. "You still haven't returned my hoodie, Taemin-ah."

Taemin blinks once. He blinks twice. His heart does a leap after a leap, and then another, and he wants tu curse the feelings that he's tried to keep shut down deep for coming out now.

"Oh-" He sucks a breath in, trying to keep his calm. "I think- I think it's somewhere in the closet, come in."

After a few minutes of fiddling around his roommate's clother in their shared closet, Taemin finally finds the thing he's been looking for. He hands the piece over to Jinseong, who looks rather relaxed - too bad Taemin can't quite say the same about himself.

"Thanks," Jinseong starts, folding the fabric and shoves it into his bag. "You know.. It's not the reason I'm here. Not really. I mean, partly, but not exactly why—" His gaze drops to the ground. "You stopped coming to our practice after the match. I miss having you around. I miss.. I miss us hanging out, Taemin."

Taemin doesn't know what to say. He can't just open his mouth and rant about his feelings - it's not like Jinseong would possibly want him to, anyway. He doesn't know how to get himself out of this situation, so he stays silent, hoping he won't need to speak.

"It seems ridiculous to show up after two months of silence, no? Especially when we see each other on the hallways. But I figured you wanted space," Jinseong continues, sighing quietly. "Should've told you sooner."

_"No, you dumbass, it's all my fault,"_ Taemin wants to say, but his throat feels dry.

"I just," He croaks out. "I don't know what's gotten into me, I'm sorry—"

"It's okay," Jinseong reassures him. "The fault is on both sides- Taemin-ah, why are you crying—" He rushes forward, eyebrows furrowed in worry. 

Soon enough, Taemin feels a warm pair of hands wiping away the tears from his cheeks, and he really wants to bury himself underground. Six feet, preferably.  
Taemin's been a mess since the summer and it's taken two whole seasons for Jinseong to notice that. It's taken Taemin a few minutes to become a bigger mess just because of Jinseong's presence that once brought him comfort. 

He really doesn't know how to act anymore. He doesn't even know if it's still comforting, or if it's just gotten too stressful to bare.

Taemin sucks in a breath, trying desperately to stay calm - breaking down now would be absolutely nonsensical, and it would make him look like a fool. He accepts his defeat when a wave of hiccups washes over him, though. It's almost af if he's finally become the shore he's been so afraid to end up on after floating in between the deep waters.

"Don't cry," Jinseong's voice rings in his ears. Taemin manages to give him a weak nod before bursting into even more tears, completely helpless.

He's so, so pathetic. Crying so ugly in front of Jinseong. The older's probably going to think he's crazy or tell him to get his shit together after a few minutes of this.

But Jinseong doesn't say anything more. Instead, much to Taemin's surprise, he pulls him closer and wraps one arm around his mid section, the other one finding its way into Taemin's hair. He strokes it gently wnough for the touch to be feather-like, right there but not at all.

"You don't have to tell me what's been going on right now," Jinseong says quietly. "Just when you're ready, okay?"

_You, you, you_. Taemin want's to scream that it's exactly the other's fault he's feeling like this, but no words fly out of his mouth. He buries his head into Jinseong's shoulder instead, soaking up the moment like sand that's been left too long without crashing waves, like a tree that just survived the dry season. 

It may be self-destructive, but Taemin longs for it. Sadly, he's still been for a while now, even after promising himself to let go.

For a while, he can pretend that the other's not doing it out of pity, that he's not hugging Taemin because he doesn't know a better way to calm him down - it's the first time Taemin's done this, after all. He can pretend it means anything, but he doesn't.

Deep down Taemin's one hundred percent sure of the fact that this gesture means nothing, and the voice at the back of his head only reassures him in it.

* * *

Jinseong ends up staying for the whole evening, and the whole night afterwards; Taemin's plans of going out to get some fresh air long gone, replaced by new ones that swirl around Jinseong.

Taemin's not surprised, really. He knows the older's stubborn and wouldn't want to leave even after Taemin tried to convince him that he's alright repeatedly, so he gives up. 

They catch up on lost time and stories alongside a few packets of popcorn that Jinseong makes in the microwave (they steal them from Taemin's roommate, but he doesn't have to know. Taemin's sure he won't even notice.) at the end of the hall. A crappy romance movie seems to be the cherry on top, but Taemin rolls his eyes each time he sees the lead character. She's starting to get on his nerves.

"Why are we even watching this crap?" He scoffs, thinking about shoving a mouthful of popcorn into his mouth.

Jinseong laughs. "It's like, eleven. There's nothing better airing right now, unless you want to watch monster bug wars."

"No thanks," Taemin grimaces upon the memory of the only episode he's ever watched. "Baby scorpion was cute, though."

"He grew up and defeated a spider," Jinseong spoils. "Goddamn, this girl is so stupid."

Taemin eyes him cautiously after hearing the spoiler, but decides to let it pass. "She's gonna realize eventually. The movie needs to end at some point."

Jinseong can't disagree. "That doesn't change the fact she's dumber than a blobfish."

"Did you just insult blobfishes?"

"I did? They're literally—" The older furrows his eyebrows, dropping the popcorn packet into the bowl. He sets it aside and turnd around to face Taemin.

"Nevermind, move your ass," He sighs. "I kinda wanna lay down."

Just like that, with one simple sentence, Jinseong's head finds its way onto Taemin's lap. He sighs again and closes his eyes.

It's almost unbelieveable how fast they slip back into their old habits - Taemin looks down only to spot a huge mop of blonde hair sprawled across his thighs. It took them hours to become comfortable with each other again, and Taemin's surprisingly not panicking about how close they are right now.

He reaches out his hand and runs his fingers through the strands, careful enough not to disturb the older. Jinseong doesn't seem to mind, though. Instead, he cuddles closer into the warmth.

Taemin has waited long enough not to let himself give in so quickly again, but gradually, piece by piece. Enough time has passed for his heart not to react so wildly to everything Jinseong does, one would think, but it really couldn't be further from the truth.

Taemin's heart hammers loudly in his chest and it feels like it could burst out at any moment just to settle onto Jinseong's hands, still - Taemin closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.  
He knows it's supposed to be a platonic gesture, but his heart has other plans, it figures.

"Missed this," Jinseong says, suddenly. "This, and waking up warm on the stadium bench," He snorts.

"You never told me why you slept so much back then," Taemin recalls, reaching for the TV remote. He turns it off and places the remote back onto the nightstand.

"Hypersomnia. I sleep a lot when I'm stressed," Jinseong sighs, fiddling with his fingers. 

"Right," Taemin nods, sadly. The clock shows eleven fifty. "Jinseong?"

"Yeah?"

"While we're talking about sleep," He swirls one strand of hair around his finger. "I think we should sleep. You have practice tomorrow. At five."

"You still remember the time, wow," There's a sad tint to Jinseong's voice, but Taemin manages to ignore it.

He raises his brow. "Why wouldn't I?" 

"You stopped coming a good while ago," Jinseong shifts his face so he can face the younger. "I just didn't think you would remember the exact hour anymore."

He's stopped attending the practice he wasn't meant to be at, anyway - how on earth is he supposed to reveal the real reason behind it? Taemin can't simply just go "oh, right, I'm not here because my stomach decides to practice acrobatics whenever I see you,", that's not going to make any sense. Not with how they're seated right now.

Taemin could drop a bomb in the middle of the sea and watch the waves create another storm, but he's not sure if his body can take it. It's getting weak. "I.. you guys won the match, Sanghyeok and Minseung got together, so I kind of.. lost the purpose of hanging around."

"But did you, really? Did I do something?" Jinseong tilts his head so that he can face Taemin directly. "If yes, then I'm really sorry—"

"No," The younger assures him through a lie. It's for the better, he tells himself. "We're good, Teddy-ah. We're good."

Jinseong looks at him for a while longer before he extends his hand. "Pinky promise?"

There's something about the way he does it that makes Taemin chuckle; maybe it's the look on Jinseong's face, so childishly hopeful. Maybe it's the situation as a whole, Taemin doesn't really know.

Nonetheless, he wraps his own pinky around Jinseong's and gives them both a gentle squeeze. "You're ridiculous, you know that?"

The blonde flashes him a wide grin. "A few people have told me that, to be honest."

* * *

The morning catches them both quite late. It's only a little after seven when Taemin's eyes fly open, a bad feeling in his gut ready to make him miserable.

He looks around and notices that - unfortunately - he's trapped between a wall and Jinseong's long arms. Their limbs are laced together and Taemin would lie if he said it's not making him a tad uncomfortable, but not in the sense of the embrace on its own. It's rather the fact that his heart starts racing like a stallion the second he notices it, and, honestly, he doesn't even recall cuddling Jinseong into his sleep.

Taemin tries to wiggle out of the blonde's hold, but it's no use - Jinseong only shuffles closer into Taemin's warmth.

The door opens swiftly and Taemin automatically tilts his head to the source of noise - which, at this hour, only ever happens to be his roommate. He curses silently in his mind and lets his cheek fall back onto the pillow.

Jinseong's still sleeping. The sudden interruption didn't wake him up, thankfully; Taemin would hold one hell of a grudge towards Dongha if that was the case. The older's so close that Taemin could practically count his eyelashes if he wanted to - or, study the crease in between his brows—

"You never told me you had a boyfriend, Mini," Dongha chirps teasingly. 

Taemin tries to protest. "He's not my—"

"Holy shit, is that the team's keeper? The shorter chuckles while making his bed. From the corner of his eye, Taemin can see that he's in some sort of a hurry, so he wishes Dongha will get his bags and leave as soon as he came. "You got yourself your own heartthrob!"

"Shut your goddamn mouth please," Taemin deadpans.

"What heartthrob?" A third, sleepy voice chimes in. Taemin is sure his heart stops beating for a second just at the thought of Jinseong hearing the discussion alone, but he manages to keep his calm once again.

"—Oop," Dongha snickers. "I was never here, by the way," He winks before grabbing his bags along with spare keys to their room and makes his way out happily, obviously satisfied with himself.

_Fuck Dongha_, Taemin thinks. _Fuck him._

"It's nothing," He assures Jinseong. "It was my roommate."

He watches as the older straightens himself on the bed and stretches his arms, letting out a small groan. "Huh, okay. What's the time?"

Taemin blinks. "Half seven."

"Need me to get my ass up," Jinseong whispers. "But don't wanna," He adds, a little louder, before turning his head towards Taemin.

"It's the last day before winter break, they're gonna be checking attendance lists for sure," The younger sighs. He reaches over to the nightstand and turnd the alarm off; it'd gone off a minute ago, but the sound alone is making Taemin want to snap, so he doesn't bother waiting any longer.

The blonde smiles sheepishly. "I can always call Sanghyeok-hyung to sneak into the office and tick them for us both for the whole day."

Right, Sanghyeok-hyung. Taemin almost forgot about the actual state of things throughout the span of this morning, but the realization that Minseung's boyfriend is still Jinseong's first emergency contact whenever something happens hits Taemin pretty hard. He shouldn't probably interpret things that way.

He tries to ignore the unsettling feeling in his chest - Jinseong is still here, on his bed - besides, why are they talking about Sanghyeok in the first place?

"Okay," Taemin nods. "You better not mess this up, though."

Jinseong shoots him a smile. "I won't."

* * *

  
When they finally manage to get up, the clock shows roughly eleven, and Taemin isn't even shocked by that. He knows they're both really lazy and more of couch potatoes than anything - without considering Jinseong's practices, that is. The older seems to switch his attitude pretty fast when it comes to sports, which is almost funny to Taemin.

He figures that everyone needs a break once in a while, so they opt for a quick breakfast just to go back to bed as fast as possible; Taemin manages to chug down three plain pancakes much to his own surprise, as it's the first time in three months that he's been able to have an actual full meal.

Jinseong insists on rewatching Titanic, but Taemin shivers at just the mention of water and ocean alone, so he practically forces the older into watching some shitty comedy about hairdressers. Jinseong doesn't protest, thankfully, laughing along with him each time he hears the strong eastern accent coming from the lead character.

Halfway through the film, Taemin feels the blonde shift closer and lay his head down on his chest. With eyes fixated on the laptop screen, he tries not to let his gaze shift onto Jinseong - he fails miserably, though. His hand finds its way to the older's hair again, fingers running through the blonde strands gently.

"You know," Jinseong breaks the silence suddenly. "I was also going to ask you out after the match, but you ran off."

"Wait—" Taemin shakes his head, trying to realise what's actually happening. "What about your crush on Sanghyeok?"

"I look up to him, that's for sure," The blonde says calmly. "But he's not.. He's not my crush. Fucking hell, he's not even my type—"

Taemin can't help the bubbling anxiety that sparks up suddenly in his chest upon hearing the other's words. "Sorry, I must've misunderstood you when you talked about that one guy—"

"Oh, come on.. Really cute, squishable cheeks? Caring? Easy to joke around with? It was you," Jinseong almost groans, lifting his head up to look at Taemin directly. "I was talking about you. It's always been you, Taemin-ah."

Taemin almost chokes on his spit. "W-what?"

"I was saying it was you who's my type," Jinseong shrugs.

There's a short moment of silence that feels like eternity, in which Taemin desperately tries to regain the last bit of his sanity. "I'm so fucking stupid," He murmurs, covering his face in his palms. "I thought you were crushing on Sanghyeok the whole time."

"That's gross," Jinseong winces. "I don't shit where I eat." He jokes.

"Did you just make a movie reference while in the middle of all of this—" Taemin can't believe his ears. He keeps his hand at his forehead, visibly struck.

Jinseong gives him a big grin. "Maybe I did." 

"You're the worst," He shakes his head.

"And here I thought you'd finally confess, but you prefer calling me the worst," The older pouts. "I see how it is."

Taemin sighs quietly, removing the hand from his forehead, only to return Jinseong's gaze - it's not for long, though, as it's too heavy and decides it's his turn to shuffle closer and bury his face in Jinseong's shoulder. When Taemin feels the older's arms around his waist, palms delicately stroking his lower back, it feels like his heart might burst out of his chest at any second.

"Feeling a little flustered, aren't we?" He hears Jinseong's voice near his ear. 

"Shut up," Taemin grunts. "More embarrassed than anything."

"Oh no, poor baby. Want me to kiss you better?" The older laughs, and Taemin seriously considers relocating his feelings.

"You're the worst," He groans. "Why do I even love you?"

Jinseong makes a fish face. "O, there! You said it!" 

Taemin feels heat creep up onto his cheeks for the second time this day, but this time it's a burning kind of heat - he doesn't know if his heart is going to survive this for any longer. "Crap," He whispers. "I did?"

Jinseong tilts his head so that their noses touch. For the second time today, they're so close that Taemin could count Jinseong's eyelashes if he wished to - the only difference being that the older's awake now, fully aware of his surroundings.

"As much as I want to say it back," The older mutters. "I kinda wanna kiss you more now."

Taemin's breath hitches. He's imagined this a thousand times, in multiple scenarios, but never really thought it would actually happen.

Jinseong doesn't give him a chance to respond, quickly connecting their lips - Taemin brings his hands up to settle them onto the other's cheeks, soaking up the moment completely. He uses all his power not to cry right at the spot, thinking that it's better than anything he's ever wished for.

The shore he's feared for so long suddenly doesn't seem so scary; with Jinseong there, holding him in his arms, Taemin finally feels like he's at his final destination.

They don't hear the door swinging open, too invested in each other to pay attention to anything but themselves.

"Ah, yes," Comes Dongha's teasing voice. "I'm here to grab my notes. You two can go back to sucking each other's faces."

_Fuck Dongha_, Jinseong thinks upon pulling away from Taemin. _Fuck him._


End file.
